A Pirate Named Clyde

 

There once was a pirate named Clyde
A scurvy sailor with a salty hide
The sea was his home
The wash and the foam
The rolling of the tide

Smart as a whip
He built his own ship
From the spoils of his plunders
No crew did he need
For they would impede
Upon his search for wonders

With a shearwater’s sight
He would sail out at night
Prowling all the best ports
Searching for treasures
And other pleasures
Mingling with the sorts

His name was well known
And most left him alone
For none dared to stir up his wrath
He’d kill ‘em all dead
Then cut off the their heads
It was best to stay clear of his path

Not a bit did he drink
His mind sharp to think
For planning his next attack
He’d get the loot
Slip away on his sloop
And ne’er would he look back

He’d outsmart ‘em all
In the spring and the fall
When cargoes were at their height
He’d leave them all fuming’
And all in confusion
As he sailed out of sight

Then one day ol’ Clyde
While watching the tide
Pondering his next move
Did spy a fair lass
With plenty of sass
And much more to prove

She led him on home
Fed him cream and warm scones
Then loved him all through the night
When morning came
She did the same
And he didn’t put up a fight

Clyde he was stricken
His pulse it did quicken
This missy was worth more than gold
She sparkled and glistened
Enraptured, she listened
To the stories that he told

This booty was more
Then he thought to score
In all his years buccaneering
But to find such a purse
Might well be a curse
So he set to engineering

He couldn’t stay
And he needed a way
To claim this urchin his prize
But she left him dizzy
His mind in a tizzy
Such feelings he could not surmise

A cut throat like he
Should put out to sea
And yet she made him linger
She had a way
Of making him stay
By lifting just one finger

Then late one night
The moon shining bright
He hatched the most clever plan
He’d whisk her away
The very next day
And set course for Yucatan

But when morning came
He found his dame
Puking and pacing about
Ain’t no one was leavin’
And this was the reason
She pointed at her bloat

He’d filled her with semen
Most every evenin’
And now she was starting to show
A bun in the oven
From all that lovin’
A little Clyde starting to grow

He swore with his heart
They never would part
And that he’d not pillage again
Now Clyde is a dad
Which isn’t so bad
And he now has a crew of ten

————————————

Lisa C Bassignani
2020